Monkey'in Around

Class: 4-5:45pm, "Cosmic Play", Edward.

Have I gushed about Edward? Not enough, I'm sure. Not nearly enough.

My favorite quote from his class today,

"I can tell how many of you have been to prison by who is paying attention to instructions..."

and in second place,

"This class has the highest pose per minute ratio."

and rounding third,

"This is all going to culminate in some incredibly complicated choreography which I have of course entirely forgotten."

Do you see why I love him? I looooooove him.

I think I love him all the more because he walked in off the street wearing black jeans and a black sweater and then changed promptly into his yoga gear, which consisted of black yoga pants and a black t-shirt. And he's a filmmaker and he plays the most kick-ass music ever. (he's an amazing teacher, that helps too.)

I'm having a couple strange little body twinges in my classes lately: a funny feeling in my left hip flexor combined with a little sciatic nerve soreness, and my continued right shoulder crankiness. I am, however, really attempting to use my injuries as teachers and am proud of my newfound proper alignment in chatarunga and upward dog. The hip thing...I don't know about that. (It makes me feel like the work I'm doing in my legs and lower body is actually having an effect, albeit a sort of painful one right now...). At the very least I am trying to back off from my tendency of muscling through everything, and paying attention to when and where my body wants to hang back.

But, back to the amazingness of Edward and his amazing classes...(sigh)

Today, we did a big fat investigation of Hanumanasana. What, coloquially, one might call, the splits. Oh, Hanuman. Oh, horrible, terrible, groin-wrenching Hanuman, how I wish I knew you more. This, if you haven't guessed, is not one of my favorite poses. No, actually, let me rephrase that: this might be one of my favorite poses, if I could do it. My groins and inner thighs (and hips, I suppose) are just a little too tight to do this pose. Translation: I feel like I am going to rip down the center and all my insides are going to spill out onto the floor if I do it. Graphic, I know, but it's also a very intimate pose...meaning, the parts of your body you have to open up in order for it to be successful (groins, hips, heart) are very tender and protected (for moi). So, let me just say, I was not thrilled when I realized that all of our work in class was leading up to Hanuman-a-rama.

*"all of our work in class" being: standing and sitting twists, standing splits, pushups in handstand. Yes, in handstand. And all the usual requisite standing poses*

So, we pushed our mats to the side to get onto the slippery wood floors and I watched graceful long-legged types around me just sliding into this pose, their pelvis cuddling up to the ground, while I hovered wobbly on my two blocks. You could have driven a truck beneath my pelvis. And I seethed a little with envy. It looks like such a glorious pose, such a sexy, difficult, wide-open pose, and I long to be able to do it. I did notice, however, that though I was far from doing the pose, it was not as mind-numbingly excruciating as it had been in the past. In fact, I noticed, I bet I could actually go a lot further in the pose than I was, even. So why wasn't I?

For one, I was really using the blocks to lean forward and rest my body weight, terrified of the tendon-ripping I was sure would come if I let my legs and pelvis carry the weight. Also, I was putting a lot of focus (and fear) on my inner thighs/groins, energetically scrunching away from their opening, and also assuming the worst about the above-mentioned possibility of tendon-ripping.

As an experiment, I moved my focus away from my groins and on to my pelvis, and moved the blocks back a bit so that I could grip them with a straight-spine and open heart, and lo-and-behold! I was another few inches closer to the ground! Not only that, I felt more secure and balanced in the pose, and could feel the opening in my groins as a positive sensation, instead of a terrifying one. I even, I kid you not, wanted to stay in the pose longer than we were instructed! (Not to worry, however, as we revisited it about a dozen more times, complete with some crazy slip-sliding from leg to leg and a twist that made me laugh while attempting it, as it was so hard, and I was so far from accomplishing it.)

But, I attempted it all, and got closer to feeling really good in Hanuman than I have ever felt before. And thank god there are still so many parts of this practice that feel out of my reach. That gives me the juice to want to practice more and more, to imagine a future wherein I will be one of the graceful girls who slips into the splits, and not the cranky wobbly block girl I was this afternoon.

Thank you, Edward.

-Yogalia

Chakra #3

"The Sacred Truth of the third chakra is "Honor One's Self". The energies that come together in this chakra have but one spiritual goal; to help us mature in our self understanding - the relationship we have with others, and where we stand on our own and take care of ourselves. The spiritual quality is self-respect."

Class: 5:30-6:30pm, "Happy Hour", Betsy.

(Dear Universe, please let me go on the Mexico yoga retreat with Betsy and Bryn. I know I can't afford it right now, and it's coming up really soon, but I would reeeeeeeally appreciate your going out on a limb for me on this one...pretty please? With sugar on top? You probably don't eat sugar...being...you know "non-physical" and everything. But you get my meaning...)

Betsy asked us to set an intention before our practice today, and so, dutifully, I put my forehead to the floor and wrangled for a purpose. It went a little something like this:

"Um, intention. My intention for today is um...

Peace? No, that's too general. Uh...my...my...

Jaw. I've been working on releasing my jaw in voice class so maybe...or, wait. We're talking about the third chakra so I guess, yeah, okay. My third chakra. My intention for today is to...focus(?)...on my third chakra.

And my jaw.

My third chakra and my jaw.

And breathing.

Okay, my third chakra, and my jaw, and relaxed breathing.

And openness..." and so on.

Before I go into the specifics of the third chakra--where it is and what it's for--let me just say this. Riding on the subway after class, hurrying to work, I thought to myself, "Why am I in such a freakin' RAGE?" It had come on my all of the sudden. Class had been lovely, everything else had been lovely, but starting when I laid down in Savasana, this intense RAGE started to wash over me, and it built in intensity--as I rolled up my mat, as I struggled to get out of class and to my bag, on to the street, on to the subway--everyone and everything seemed suddenly determined to be in my way, in my space, on my nerves...when the subway doors opened at my final destination, I had the distinct urge to push the young guy standing on the platform on the other side of the door. I wanted to push him hard. Not into the train or anything, but just down on the ground...hard.

And that is the moment when it occurred to me that maybe this chakra stuff had some actual palpable IMPACT when a person begins to dive into it. Was it just a big fat coincidence that after an hour spent connecting with my third chakra--my solar plexus--my gut--I suddenly wanted to go on an angry rampage through New York City? I don't know. I didn't know...which is why I'm now sitting here, looking up the third chakra. (Note: when you Google things like "third chakra" you are bound to come across a multitude of websites that make you feel like a very silly person. There are going to be pictures of crystals, and websites that look like they were designed by the boys who played Dungeon and Dragons when you were in highschool, but I suggest you try and see past that. I'm trying to.)

Okay. Manipura. The third chakra. The chakra in your guts. The center of your body. Let me repeat that: The. Center. Of. Your. Body. Your core. Your middle. Your balance. Your CENTER. The halfway point between your feet and your head, between the earth and the sky, between a really full stomach and total spiritual ecstasy. The center.

I am not exaggerating here when I tell you that until a couple weeks ago, my center was located smack dam in the middle of my collarbones. Yes ma'am, from the top of my head to the tops of my ribs I was all there...feeling, thinking, breathing, living, loving...all in that 2 or 3 feet of head/neck/shoulders/heart. Beyond that, well. What need have I for things beyond that? What else is there? My feet? My butt?

How about my emotional center. My intuition. My grounding.

I was actually shocked to discover that there seems to be this invisible line, just above what would be my third chakra, on which I have nailed a "NO ENTRY BEYOND THIS POINT" sign. I do not know what the heck is going on down there! I try to start to feel that part of my body and it's like hammering away at a long-dead limb. I can flex and release muscles but the resulting sensations are dull...and emotions?! The solar-plexus has the largest collection of nerves of almost any part of the human body. Science has guesstimated that the gut actually "thinks" with as much complexity and frequently as the brain itself, and I have been cutting it off. It is the source of my will-power, my balance, my intuition, my "gut-instinct", and is also the hot factory wherein creative impulse first becomes a something. (I know this from my voice class, wherein there has been much talk about impulses being communicated from the mind, down the spine and then first taking shape down in the gut). I can not believe that I have been walking around almost entirely disconnected from this part of my body (my self!).

So, back to our original story: my bubbling post-class rage. Does it make some kind of sense that my first re-introductions to this emotional/instinctual center of my body might produce fits of anxst? Does it make further sense that it might be anger (the emotion I have the most trouble expressing) that is trapped down there? Wouldn't that be a handy if I had cut off the one place where anger might dwell because I have such a rough time feeling and dealing with anger? Do I sound like a total goober?

Regardless, of whether I sound like a goober or not, I'm starting to have some faith in this whole "chakra" thing. I've got a date with my guts tonight...and everyday from here on in....

-Yogalia

Ode to Jasmine the Awesome

So, I've missed a bunch of days and a bunch of classes, (not in life, but on this blog). In life, I've been going to class almost every day, and have been trying to stick to the longer upper-level classes, as the hour-longs are a little too quick for my taste now.

Some highlights (before getting to the main event):

Edward is amazing, and I love him. I don't know how he does all the zany one-handed stuff he does, but when I grow up I want to be as agile as he is.

This month the theme at the Lotus is "chakras" and I have learned some super fun and amazing chakra facts. These include:

The Nadis. As far as I can figure it, the nadis are these channels of energy that travel up the body. The shushumna nadi, is kind of a straight arrow, shooting right up the center of the spine and all seven chakras. The ida and the pingala, are these beautiful snaky twisted channels of energy that travel up and around the chakras in opposing waves. Love this image. I think that the ida and the pingala are in opposition energetically as well, meaning, one is that wild shakti energy and one is the more peaceable loving soothing energy. But, I could be wrong about that.

Obviously my knowledge of the chakras at this point is cursory, but I plan on doing some research and reporting my findings back here later! I love trying to feel these circles and waves and centers of energy in my body...each one symbolized by a different color and mood and body-part.

The other major thing, which I knew before but did not strike me until just recently, is that the very first chakra, the Muladhara Chakra, the lowest and first of the seven chakras, while it is located at the base of the spine, encompasses the body from that point ALL THE WAY TO YOUR FEET!! This chakra, the chakra associated with grounding and survival and earthiness, the chakra that carries the energy that will travel up to all the other five chakras, is ENORMOUS! Or, at least, the part of the body which it makes up is your entire root system, right down to your toes. I pay no, and I mean no, attention to this part of my body. In fact, my entire emotional/psychological system feels and works and lives from my waist up! I ain't been livin' with that first chakra! I gotta get in there with that mo' fo...

Alright, so hooray Chakra Month...I've been learning a lot. Now on to the real honorarium of this post:

Jasmine, the Cosmic Goddess.

Ah, sigh.

Jasmine is back in town. When Jasmine is back in town, stuff gets crazy at the ol' Lotus. I was totally and utterly blessed to get a spot in her class this afternoon, even though I only got there 15 or 20 minutes early. Her classes (and Dana's, when she's back in town) sell out instantaneously...they are packed. And today was no different. But, I would sweat it out in a class twice as crowded if I have to...that is how much I love, love, love this woman.

Double sigh.

I think, that unless you have ever practiced with a teacher who is as much a light-bringer, as Jasmine, and as much a master teacher a, dare I say it, yoga guru, you can not really understand the kind of wild positive energy that just starts pinging around the room in one of her classes. I sound like a bit of a zealot, I know, but she and Dana (the other co-founder of the Lotus) are the energetic force behind the place that has become my spiritual sanctuary. And so I kind of like them. A lot.

So, Jasmine talked today about the sixth chakra, the chakra of intuition...she spoke a lot about psychic space and about looking into the "third eye" in order to not think, but to feeeel your way into intuition. She also told us that today is the birthday of Albert Einstein, and she conjured this image of Einstein as mystic, that I thought was just freakin' awesome. See, this is the thing I like about Jasmine--she is, yes, a yogi through and through, and I would consider her a bit of an enlightened being, but she is ALSO a grounded person...she is not a hippy-dippy flake-flake (as may be misinterpreted by my slobbering flattery above), she is a woman who lives on the planet earth and also cultivates a whole hell of a lot of love and openness and mysticism in her life. I'd like to list these qualities among my own someday.

That said, she also leads a kick-ass asana practice (and by kick-ass I mean ass kicking), which reminds me both how far I have come, and how far I have yet to go in my own practice. It also makes me want to get better and stronger and more risky and creative in my asana and to hope beyond hope that I will be able to do it, in some form or another, for the rest of my life.

Thank you, Jasmine, for busting open my heart in a myriad of wonderful ways.

-Yogalia