But let me just say that after three weeks of hunting for cars, two weeks of family visits (I love you, my dear family, all of you, and it's amazing and rejuvenating to be with you, but all that rejuvenation can also be a little...exhausting, if you know what I mean), one week of meeting (or trying to meet) with headshot photographers, going on four weeks of many of my nearest and dearest being out of town, not to mention working all weekend, every weekend, not to mention trying to finish editing a short project and trying to set up meetings for the creation of another project, not to mention having newly signed with an agent and trying to...well...be ready for that, not to mention my forehead breaking out into nearly-invisible yet still aggravating totally never before experienced acne, not to mention my healing shoulder and the pure scheduling nightmare it has become to try and get to yoga when sharing one car AND trying to get to meetings AND driving all over kingdom-com to look at cars, AND having the brakes go out (sort of) on Ernie (our beloved Saab) so having to drive back and forth to our mechanic in Culver City, not to mention trying to find time to see people, buy groceries, do laundry, solve the ant problem in our apartment, write, meditate, send emails, remember people's birthdays and all the other day-to-day life stuff that happens and happens and happens...after ALL that...yesterday, I had a bit of a meltdown.
I won't go in to it, except to say it definitely involved my sobbing like a little girl, a lot of unnecessary yelling, and a post-meltdown-hangover which lasted well into the afternoon.
And this morning we replaced the battery in our car and a little light went off for me (not in the car, mind you, in my head)...
First of all, I am really blessed to have a man in my life whom I consider wise beyond belief, and who is capable of reminding me (even in the midst of his OWN aggravation) that the trick is not (as I often think it is) to eliminate stress from one's life...the trick is actually to integrate stress.
Integrate stress? What the hell does that mean?
Well, for me it means not feeling like I have done something wrong and am being punished by the universe in the form of rescheduled meetings, faulty power windows, ants in the kitchen sink and any number of other things, but instead to look at those things as challenges, and therefore opportunities to expand.
Not, I'm never going to be able to get any creative work done because I have to look for a car, BUT...
How can I get creative work done AND look for a car, OR...
How can I use the looking for a car as fuel for my creative work, OR...
(the possibilities are endless.)
So, my challenge to myself these days is, how do I allow for all the various odds and ends: the family, the "stuff" maintenance, the love-life, the health-care, the fun, the job-job AND the creative work...how do I allow that it's a lot, that sometimes it feels like too much, that there's more sometimes of the stuff I don't want to be doing and less of the stuff I do want to be doing...how do I allow for all of that without throwing up my hands (or my keys. heh, heh), falling onto the floor and sobbing all over myself?
Do I have to drain my battery totally until one morning I go to start up and nothing happens? Or can I conserve my energy so that the charge I have still propels me forward?
And if not, can I just calmly call AAA and get a jump-start, drive my unshowered butt down to the AutoZone, get a new battery, and start all over again? Without. The. Drama.
?
Ah geez, this is what happens when all you do is look at cars. Everything is a vehicle metaphor...(the other morning my dear P. asked me if I wanted to walk down with him and get some gas. "Some coffee, you mean?" I said. "Yeah," he said, "what did I say?" I told him to step away from the craigslist, immediately, before he blew his spark-plugs.)
So, to my Dear Readers...if you are overwhelmed, even in the least little bit, know that you are not alone, that we are all crazy jugglers, and that I completely endorse your avoiding a melt-down of the above variety by saying yes to it all, and knowing that even though you don't feel like there is enough of you to go around...THERE IS.
More than you know.
xoxo
YogaLia
