Early on it becomes clear that yoga is a practice of contradictions, the largest one being, (among many others such as "root down and lift up", "curl in and open", "do this unbearably hard thing and breathe slooooowly"), that one must be Strong and also Soft.
I have been thinking a lot about this contradiction as it applies to my own life...
Early on in the LA-chapter of my practice one of my teachers talked about how visible it was in a person's practice what side of this equation they fell on: the uber-open-hearted, whose practice is loose and graceful but also sort of jelly-like and therefore wide-open for injury, and in the other corner, the rigid rule-adherer, whose practice sparkles technically but lacks that OOMPH of joy and soft-heartedness. He said that neither of these are ideal on their own, but both must be present in the practice. Things need to be strong and lined up and active, but the center must, must, must be soft.
Artists know this, instinctually. I know this as an actress--that there is a sort of sweet-spot right in the middle where preparation and hard-work meet up with in-the-moment ALIVE-ness--wherein the performance just lights up. I understand this as an artist--I still struggle with sometimes allowing myself to soften, but I understand it.
In my life, however, I find this contradiction totally f-ing confusing.
(excuse my language)
How, how, how am I supposed to be driven and be focused and have a vision of what I want and go after it and never say die and just like Will Smith my way into success AND be present and be open and "go with the flow"?!? (um, I'm not really sure about the Will Smith reference...I think I watched some bio of him at some point where he seemed all "I will manifest my dreams" ish.)
This is sort of a rhetorical question (sort of), but I have so often felt that I yo-yo between two poles: either completely engaged in a kind of "hustle", doing and doing and doing, OR throwing my hands up in the air, pledging to "just be", and spending way too much time journaling.
Neither is comfortable.
Neither is fruitful.
And, neither lasts.
So I know that there is an in-between point. I know that there is a sweet-spot, where both things exist...I have yet to FIND it, but I know that it exists. That isn't entirely true of course...it's there when it's there. It's there when I'm engaged in what I'm doing without being worried about the outcome of what I'm doing.
Let me say that again: It's there when I'm engaged in what I'm doing without being worried about the outcome of what I'm doing.
As soon as I start to ask, "is this enough?", it's gone. As soon as I start to ask, "am I doing this right?", it's gone. As soon as I start to ask, "is there something else I'm supposed to be doing?", it's gone. And so I'm beginning to learn that the contradiction IS it. The pose is not one or the other, not soft or strong, it's both. And likewise my life can not be just effort or just ease--it must be both.
Root down and lift up.
Curl in and open.
Engage and release.
Inhale and exhale.
Inhale.
and
Exhale.
