Last night I got the urge to cook dinner. And not just any dinner; a complicated indian shrimp curry with dozens of spices which I would have to grind myself to make the curry powder. For those of you who cook regularly, this may not seem like such an amazing feat, but for this chick--the one who, if her master-chef-ish fiance isn't around to make food will happily settle for a meal of crackers and hummus and frozen waffles--this was quite a turn of events.
I have been trying to change my relationship to the act of food preparation. In the past I have always felt, especially if I was only cooking for myself--a kind of what's the point, when it came to meal-making. I wanted to get to the meal, dangit, and I didn't want to go through all that mess and measuring to get there. But over the last few years my mind has slowly started to change. This is due to two things: 1) the aforementioned masterful cook that I live with, who demonstrates over and over again the possible adventure of food-making and 2) my deepening devotion to yoga and therefore to the overall health of my body.
The simple truth is that food is important. It's important, not just because it fuels the body, but because there is actually something of import to be gained in one's relationship to food. (Ugh, I know.) This, at least, is what I'm discovering for myself--that my relationship to food is also about how I nourish myself. Anyone want to wager a guess as to what the larger self-love implications are for a person (me) who tends to rush through making and consuming food, not taking the time to savor, enjoy, make beautiful...appreciate? Want to just draw a quick line from there to, I don't know, that same person's ability to savor, enjoy and appreciate herself, her life or her own better qualities? To take care? To slooooooow down and nurture herself?
Ding, ding, ding!!!
So, for this reason, I am trying to um...adjust some habits. And as I was cooking last night (even peeling 1 lb. of shrimp, people!) I started to think about how this change, this sudden inspiration to make something ACTUAL, to truly cook, was due to a change in intention.
There's this magical process that happens when you're in pose in yoga class and a teacher reminds you WHY we're doing that particular pose ("twists wring out the internal organs, flooding them with new blood and oxygen"). And the magical thing is that your aggravation or your boredom with the pose (not that I have that, heh heh) goes out the window, and you find yourself actually going deeper, even appreciating the pose more, because you understand its positive benefits. You understand your intention, and so you know what to look for, where you're heading, and where to focus your attention.
And this doesn't just go for yoga, obviously...this is about anything we're devoted to. This is about writing, or painting, or being in relationship to anyone or anything in your life. IF we are in touch with the larger purpose, the big WHY of why we do these same things or practices or days-with-one-another over and over and over and over again, it prevents us from getting caught up in all the schtuff that doesn't matter. It's just not as easy for me, for example, to refuse myself a prop or a modification in class if I need one when I have a clear intention, because I know my intention is not "to be most show-off-y yogi in class"...
Hopefully it's about something larger...like touching down in the center of myself even for one glorious moment.
And so last night, I took the time to peel every single one of those slimy little shrimp, and I didn't mind it one little bit. (Not even the part where I noticed that they have little faces on their crunchy skins! Yikes!) I didn't mind it because I knew that when I lifted a spoonful of that finished curry to my mouth I was going to feel...nourished. I knew that there was something that I was reaching for that wasn't just about the end result...it wasn't just about ending my current hunger or getting something right...it was actually about the act of making food, of diving in, of cultivating that relationship with myself through what I was putting into my body.
And let me tell you something...it was DElicious. :)
And today, when I step onto my mat, or when I take my seat at the front of the room to teach, I will try to remember this same thing...I will remind myself why I am here and what I am trying to create and I will notice how much more nourished I feel afterword. Tonight's practice: Yoga Curry with Lots of Spices.
