The other day a friend of mine, and fellow yoga teacher, took me aside before class to tell me that she had been doing an intensive yoga training the week prior and that she had thought of me. She had thought of me because, while she knew she was supposed to be feeling in love with yoga and in love with life, all that she was actually feeling, toward the end of the week, was that she wanted to punch everyone in the face.
And so, she thought of me.
This, I will have you know, I took to be a great honor. 1. Because this friend/teacher is someone I hold in great esteem, and the fact that I would come to her mind in the middle of a day at all makes me feel sort of soft inside. 2. Because, damnit, if you feel like punching yogis and you just want to know that there is someone out there who understands...well, I am eager to serve. Because I get it, yo. I get it.
She told me that she had been feeling guilty, because many of her counterparts during this week had been going to class in the mornings before the training began, and then staying late after to do even MORE yoga, and/or to sit around cups of hot tea and talk about yoga. My friend, she confided in me, only wanted to go home and drink wine, and basically do anything other than think about yoga. And she was feeling a little guilty about it.
I, of course, would have been on the go home and have a glass of wine team right there with her. Also, the friend in question is thriving as a teacher right now, she's got a crazy class-load AND she's doing retreats AND taking classes herself as a student, so it's no surprise that she's a little yoga-ed out.
But, I've been thinking a lot about our conversation over the last couple days. I was thinking about what Steven Espinosa said in my podcast interview with him a few weeks ago, about how often people can get into this yoga frenzy when they first discover the practice, and try to set their whole life up so that all they're doing is yoga...which is great, except for the fact that yoga isn't life. Life is life.
And I started to think about how our relationship to our yoga--or to whatever it is in our life that calls to us--just like our relationships with other people, can either be an obsessive one, a (dare I say it) immature one, or it can be a grown-up relationship. Grounded. Balanced. Sanely committed. It's the difference between obsessing over every text the object of your desire sends you, and talking non-stop to your friends about how perfect/dreamy/sensitive said object of desire is--it's the difference between THAT kind of relationship, and the kind of relationship that evolves out of a true and deep devotion.
One that has ups and downs. One you might have to participate in, even when maybe you don't so much want to. One that has some regularity and stability and some give and some take. This kind of relationship, the grown up kind, it allows room for those nights when all you really want to do is zone out and have a glass of wine, instead of gazing at one another across a candlelit table.
The other, the relationship that's only all zip-zappy-happy and fireworks and oh my god I only ever want to do this one thing because I love it so? I think that it's bound to disappoint. I think it might not have the room for growth that a body needs, which means that someday, it will be outgrown.
So, Shanti-towners...if you're just not feeling it today, whatever IT is, I am here to tell you...it's alright. Go for a walk. Read some trashy coverage of the royal wedding. Have a glass of wine (I would wait until at least noon for this one, but you gotta do what you gotta do). And remind yourself that your life is BIG, and there is all kinds of room in there for you to grow....
