Discipline.

So, since I got back from my teacher training...my month long Yoga Extravagaaaaanzah, the question I keep getting asked the most is about discipline.  Namely how, now that yoga camp is over (tee hee), am I maintaining my home practice/mantra practice/sutra study/total crazy devotion here at home.

And it is a really really good question.

And it's a really really good question, because when I got back to LA, the thing happened that always happens, which is--I went right back to doing all the same stuff I always do but hadn't been doing during my month atop Mt. Yoga.  I went back to watching too much crappy television, to incessantly checking my blackberry, to stressing out about ridiculous stuff, to sleeping in and eating a little too much (just a little) and drinking wine and generally losing and regaining focus over and over throughout the day.

I also added some new stuff--like being engaged.  Which means promising not to make any solid plans for another month but spending time on wedding blogs anyhow, and talking to family, and gushing to friends, and dreaming and talking about the future.  And worrying about the future.  And gazing obsessively at my shiny new ring.

BUT!

(That's right...don't write me off yet...)

I have also...in the midst of all of that...managed to do the following:

Practice. Every. Single. Day.  Most days on my own mat, at home.  Because goddamnit I want to be a good teacher, and that is where I am going to teach from, so I am not letting that slide, alright?!

Meditate. (Almost.) Every. Single. Day.  Thank god for my mantra practice which has successfully fooled my brain into thinking we're not meditating, even when we are.  Sri Ram Jai Ram, yo.

Keep Teaching.  A lot.  I am giving it away for free all over town, and people are taking me up on it, and I am teaching and teaching and teaching.  And a few times it's been really great, and a few times it's been really sucky, and most of the other times it just feels...new. 

Keep reading and writing and thinking about my practice, about the kind of teacher I might like to be...about philosophy and asana and Lady Gaga.  Wait, oh....  Oops.  Does Vanity Fair not count as yoga reading material?  No...it counts.  I think it totally counts.  Lady Gaga is totally yoga.  I even have a future post planned which will be titled "Gaga for Yoga" or "The Yoga of Gaga".  Something.  Anyhow, she rocks.  She is, without question, so much cooler than I will ever even hope to be that I can't even feel inadequate next to her.  Because we're not even...we're not even the same species.  She's a neon pink giraffe with amazing eyelashes and I'm a...I'm like some kid's pet hamster.  So, you know, I can't really compare. 

Anyhow, I'm saving that for my Goga Yaga post.  Oooh! Maybe if I end up having a "yoga name" it could be Lady Goga! 

Wow.  I am so off topic.

What was this supposed to be about, again?  Yes, right.  Discipline.

Focus.

One-pointed-ness.

My POINT with all of this is to say that as much as I had fantasized, upon coming home, that I would still be spending 8-10 hours a day totally immersed in practice and study and and and (because that's how disciplined and enlightened I am)...the truth is that there is this other thing in my life, called life, and it needs its own room.  So I am discovering that discipline and devotion, in order to be successful, have to be flexible (pun intended). 

Yoga is really the first thing in my life that I've ever had a real discipline about.  I've been an actress forever, but I never woke up mornings and felt like "oh my god I have to make sure I'm acting everyday" in the way that I have always felt about yoga.  And so yoga is also the first thing in my life that has taught me what real discipline is...

And what I've discovered is that all it really is, is...doing the thing.  Just...doing the thing, over and over and over again.  Just returning, in this case to the mat, over and over.  No matter what.  And it doesn't mean that if you miss a day you have to start back at the beginning.  What it actually means is that if you miss a day, or a week, or a month...you come back.  You always just...come back.  And you don't freak out about it.

What actually makes discipline so elusive is that it's NOT summer camp...it's not an enforced structured 8-hours a day homework due at a certain time type situation...it's way more fluid than that, and it has to exist in your ACTUAL life.

So...how am I doing?

I'm waking up.  I'm practicing.  I'm doing a mantra.  I'm doing that nearly every day.  I'm trying to get to class.  I'm trying to read more, as much as I can.  And then I'm eating and I'm hanging out and I'm adoring and then complaining and then just saying screw it and having a glass of wine.  And I'm coming back.  And coming back.  And coming back.

More Graduation Pics...

Me and Yeva, waiting our turn...

Starting the walk down the blanket runway...

Here comes the grad...

Hugging Dana (cosmic ma #1)

Hugging Ali (cosmic ma #2).  That's Ruth over there to the left, toweling herself off after her baptism...

Graduation. The rememberence.

Okay.  It's happened.  I'm back...and I'm certified.  Thank you all for your patience while I managed to slog out only the occasional update...it was such a demanding month and I have barely caught my breath.  I flew in late on Weds night and am just now starting to feel my feet on the ground.  But I am so so excited to start teaching, I can barely stand it.  I'm including here my post-graduation journal entry for your enjoyment...

(we are all doing the "wow" mudra, which Dana learned in China, and has been cracking us up with for days...)

  Friday, 8/13 - Graduation.

Beautiful.  We celebrated at a rooftop pool and accepted our diplomas at the end of a walkway made of beach towels stretching nearly to the edge of the pool.  It was a graduation-slash-baptism, which meant some of my fellow graduate-ees pulling off clothes and diving into the barely deep enough pool.  (Yeva's shimmy-off of her fitted button-down black dress to reveal a tasteful boy-shorts bikini underneath was so unbearably, unknowingly sexy that even the ladies were blushing.  Yeva is from Canada and she's 24 and a dancer and has one of those faces that just makes me melt.)  I, on the other hand, stuck my piggy toes in the pool and then declared, "I'll do it like the Christians!" took water in my hand and sprinkled it over my own head, at which Dana (the big boss) hollered out, "You're blessed! You're blessed!".

Then there were cupcakes eaten (vegan ones, and not so vegan ones), final exams looked at (I scored a 95%, though I still think I deserved a 97%...heh heh.)  Paul brought me 2 dozen red roses and dutifully stood off to the side as I raced around hugging and kissing every one, especially my girls--Ruth, with whom I have fallen into deep friendship love and only ever want to hold her hand and giggle at her, and Yeva (the beautiful), who has eyes that sparkle and crinkle so deliciously I just want to dive into them--Heather, who has the greatest crooked smile and who I will always remember for her deep deep hatred of all things Kundalini, and, Shani--crass, hilarious, soft-hearted and oft-misunderstood Shani--her friendship and study-buddy-ing was the thing that kept me sane and smiling throughout all of love skool.

I will miss my girls!

Then there were performances--all heartfelt, some practiced and some not, and Shani MC-ing off the cuff, which was all hilarious except for one joke about tabloids, which she was a bit miffed about after it got a less than enthusiastic response by the up-til-then boisterous crowd (though I reassured her that it just wasn't for the yoga audience and after all how else was she going to test out new material?).  I closed the whole evening with a call-and-response of my new favorite chant:

GURU BRAHMA,
GURU VISHNU,
GURU DEVO MAHESHWARAH
GURU SAAKSHAAT PARAM-BRAHMA,
TASMAI SHRI GURUVE NAMAH

which is basically a big ol' thank you to all the teachers in your life, especially the one within, and then topped it off with an english-only verse of my own creation, which gave specific thanks to the teachers at the Lotus.  And it seemed to draw us together for these last couple "timeless moments", about which Dana later complimented me on, citing my ability to create intimacy--music to my ears.  Especially from her--as she is frighteningly honest and alive, and any word from her (especially a complimentary one) is just...oh, sigh!

And then goodbyes, which were hard.

Very, very, very hard.

I have had the sweetest, deepest, most transformative month of my life (big words, I know...but true), and I can not wait to see what's next.

Procrastination Station

Oh my lovelies...

I should NOT be posting right now.  I should definitely be doing one of many other things...things like:

Sleeping.

Eating more of the dark chocolate covered almonds with turbinado sugar and sea salt that have become my addiction since coming to yoga school (and my replacement for wine, coffee, meat and sex. Thank you, Trader Joe's).

Doing homework.

Doing more homework.

Studying for my finals.  That's right, finals.

Reading more about my assigned Sutras.

Showering, so I don't have to do it in the morning, so I can sleep more.

Making food for tomorrow, so I don't have to do it in the morning, so I can sleep more.

Meditating.  Just...because.

But, no, Shanti-towners, I have been lacking lately as the captain of this blog-ship (the good ship shanti-town) and I am going to post, damnit, even if it means my hair goes dirty and my tummy goes empty!  (Not actually.... If I don't eat and try to do 8 hours of asana I will kill someone.)

My time in yoga school is coming to a close, very soon.  Next week is mainly prep for finals and then finals and then I graduate, a week from tomorrow...and I. Can't. Believe it.

Today I spent much of our morning lecture quietly weeping because I just don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to these people and this experience...it has been so intense and we have been through a lot together in these three weeks, and all of my teachers here have just been so incredibly inspiring...

Anyhow, blah blah.  I'm not going to do that right now.

What I will say is that this has been an AMAZING experience so far...I am riding high from all of it, and am not surprised that I love the many hours of asana and love all the nitty-gritty about the chakras and ayurveda but I am a little surprised that I am finding myself even more in love with the Yoga Sutras and the Bhagavad Gita--who knew I'd be a text nerd?  I just can't get enough of it...the poetry and mysteriousness of the ancient texts...I'm currently in such a yoga cloud that I'm actually contemplating learning Sanskrit.

Svadyaya, yo!

Anyhow.  I can't wait to get into more detail about all of it for y'all...for now, just know I'm thinking of you...and wish me luck on finals!!


xo
YogaLia

It has BEGUN.

 Okay, I know, I know...here I am in freakin' YOGA SCHOOL, you would think that this blog would be jam-packed with goodies and insights and funny stories, but the truth is, I am EXHAUSTED.

Truly.  Truly.

I started on Friday night with a class and then a several hour orientation, in which we played introduction games (ugh), did some chanting, met our mentors (more on that later), heard some stories, got our super-special "Lotus College of Yoga" binders (that's right, college.  I'm in Yoga College, yo.) and got to take a look at our truly terrifying schedule, which I will describe in more detail later.  All in all, totally exhilirating and inspiring...just to be back in my beloved NY studio, which I have missed so dearly, and to be embarking on this adventure with teachers I love and adore...it's too good to be true.

And then we jumped right into the fire.

Today and yesterday were 8 hour days...I can't even begin to tell you how much new information is currently swimming around my skull, seeking out a resting place.  Both days have been scary and exciting and passion-filled--what a total gift it is to be taught by people who are so passionate about what they do--and who approach teaching truly, truly, truly as an ART form.  We have talked about Picasso and Proust and Twyla Tharp and a myriad of others--we have talked about inspiration in the form of poetry and painting and music and architecture--all of the things that make me fall in love with this practice over and over again for its openness and universality and deep creative potential.

And we've talked, of course, about moving. And the body.  And the breath.  And what it means to teach...which I still have not wrapped my head around.

But if you think 8 hours a day/5 days a week is a lot...it's not even the tip of the YS iceberg.

First of all, this week, we're going 7 days...friday to friday, and then all the rest of the weeks will be weekends off (hallelujah!).  Second and third and fourth and fifth and sixth of all...in addition to our class time we are also required to:

Attend two additional (1.5 hour) classes/week.

Write about those classes, and turn in write-ups on a weekly basis.

Keep a daily journal. (Does a blog count?)

Maintain a daily personal yoga practice which explores and incorporates everything we've been learning.  (this part is no joke...our personal practice is getting a lot of emphasis and it is where we're supposed to be doing the deep learning, and there will be no fudging on the at-home practice.)

Complete weekly written homework--also no joke--this is hours-worth of written and exploratory work every week.

Meet with a mentor group every week.

Meet with a study-buddy every week.

Be vegetarian.  (um.... oops.)

Did I leave anything out?  Sleep.  Eat.  Make occasional phone calls home to boyfriend.  I think that about covers it.

So...please forgive me if I'm not as vocal here in Shanti-town as I want to be...I will do my best to keep you all updated, but just know in the meantime that I'm thinking of you...and sweating.



Um, did I mention it's 11,000,000 degrees out in New York right now?

What I'm Doing Today...